09
Oct
07

Geek Wars: A Tale of iBetrayal

iBackground

A few months have pasted since the great wave of iPhone mania swept across America. Geeks rejoiced and lined up days in advance to pay homage to their tech deity, the all powerful Master Job’s latest creation, the iPhone. Oh how they cheered and high-five each other after they had plunked down $600 bucks and committed to a two year relationship with Ma’ Bell (AT&T). They scurried back to their basements and dark tech dungeons to active their iPhones and bathe in the glow of the greatest touch interface known to man. And for a while they were the cool kids, technical VIPs, and socially accepted. iPhone allowed them to cut to the front of the line and attract the attention of hotties that were way out of their league until their Supreme Leader turned on them.

The iBetrayal

iFanboys adored their iPhone fame to the point that they even put up with the sub par “edge” network connection and for a while, the locked-down operating system. Ah, but temptation was to great for this naturally inquisitive lot, and they began to do what they do best, they cracked and hacked the iPhone. The allure of unlocking this scaled down version of OS X was too great and they created programs that made the iPhone even more powerful. Todo lists, GPS Maps, and games sprouted up in their dark labs like mushrooms and fame and popularity grew until it attracted the attention of Master Jobs, and he was not pleased. His wrath came swift and certain. He slashed the price of the device by $200 dollars and turned these early adapters into suckers. Away went their fame and they were send back to the back of the line. Still this wasn’t enough to please Mater Jobs, so he then did the unthinkable, he bricked their iPhones…

The iBattle Wages On

To “Brick” an iPhone is to render it technologically unless. Like the Borg (Star Trek), iPhones assimilate to the collective via software updates and Master Jobs used this access to “Brick” or disable all hacked iPhones in concert with an update patch. Bricked iPhones became $600 dollar pieces of junk that could not be fixed, that is until the Greek Nation got pissed. They gather on social networks and hacker sites and plotted their revenge on Master Jobs. He must be made to pay for his abandonment of them and for breaking their damn iPhones. He would atone. Geek brainpower has the capacity to destroy the world, so un-bricking the iPhone took a few days;

Step One: Download iphone restore hack

Step Two: Install restore hack to reset iPhone back to original operating system

Step Three: Connect via iTunes to the Apple collective and download update
patch, but disconnect the iPhone halfway through the update (don’t
let it finish updating)

Step Four: iPhone update patch will crash your iPhone, forcing you to turn it in

Step Five: Apple Store Geniuses will fix it because they cannot detect that it was
every hacked. Greeks win.

The iAftermath

So why should non Greeks be concerned about these Geek Wars? Answer.com defines a software bug as “A problem that causes a program to produce invalid output or to crash (lock up). The problem is either insufficient logic or erroneous logic”. It’s mine and many other’s belief that Apple purposely included erroneous logic in the recent patch that bricked modified iPhones.

Some of you may say “good” for Apple and the Geeks shouldn’t have modified their iPhones. To that I say, let’s not kid ourselves, simply put, the iPhone is a computer. After you buy a computer, the company you bought it from does not have the right to send a software bug to it and break it. That’s what Apple did, plain and simple. There is absolutely no reason why Apple could not have simply made the patch not install on modified iPhones. Master Jobs bricked them on purpose and that is a clear act of technology suppression and an unwarranted restriction of consumer rights. Could it be that Apple plans on selling consumers these same programs via iTunes and the Geeks were simply giving them away for free? Already the lawsuits have started and I think Apple is about to experience a Geek Uprising (mmm, good name for my next article).

iDisclaimer

I am closer to an Apple fanboy than this article presents. I have more MACs in my home than PCs and I have bought more iPods than I have eyeballs. If Apple had partnered with a different cell phone carrier, I most likely would have stood line and bought and iPhone. Ma’ Bell and I have had bad relationships in the past and even worst breakups, so I am just not emotionally healed enough to commit to another hair-pulling relationship with AT&T.

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